Limerick Heist

(display: "reset heist vars")A warehouse. A bare room downstairs. A chalkboard. Four hard wooden chairs. One mastermind: you, addressing your crew: four misfits who want what's not theirs. $more[$mu["So now the whole crew is united! But just in case someone's shortsighted, it's last chance to bail."] They stay. You exhale, relieved, optimistic, delighted. $more[$mu["I've found a lost <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Faberg%C3%A9_egg" target="_blank">egg Fabergé</a>. It's worth about this much, I'd say."] You write down the sum. Their jaws drop, struck dumb. $mu["It's ours - if we do it my way."] $more[$mu["Rule 1 is that no one gets iced. Rule 2: the loot's evenly sliced. There's only two rules. Now listen up, fools! We're pulling a...] $more[ <div class="titlecard">$mu[LIMERICK HEIST]</div> [[(One week earlier...)->Act I: The Team]] ]]]]

<div class="act">Act I</div> |line2)[<div class="act">The Team</div>] |limerick)[To pull this casino-heist scheme with specifications extreme, two things are a must: one's skill and two's trust. Alright. Let's assemble the team. $subact[$es[The Hacker]] [[The team is in need of a hacker...]]] {(live: 1s)[ (show: ?line2) (stop:) ] (live: 2s)[ (show: ?limerick) (stop:) ]}

$mu["This job will accrue you mad cred, if you can stay one step ahead. The system's so hardened that you would be pardoned for wisely declining instead."] $more[$es["Whit system?"] she asks, eyebrow raised, intrigued but affecting unfazed. You tell her. $es["I'm in,"] she says with a grin. One hacker correctly appraised. $more[$subact[$mn[The Magician]] [[The team needs a famous magician...]]]]

$mu["This job will secure you mad cash! Two steps: One is hack, two is crash. And then you'll have tons of untraceable funds as long as you don't make a splash."] $more[$es["Ye dinnae pull jobs, ye pull pranks. If I wanted cash, I'd crack banks. So good luck an' all, but I'll nae take yer fall. I'm oot. Sayonara. Naw thanks."] (set: $badend to "BAD HACKER END")(set: $gotEndHacker to true)(display: "BAD END")]

$introducing[$es[The Hacker]] The team is in need of a hacker, a top-secret database cracker. The 1337est of 1337, she knows no defeat. Her hat couldn't be any blacker. $more[Your only concern for the crew is her biting off more than she'll chew. But recruiting a rogue with a thick Scottish brogue ensures that some hijinks ensue. [["This job will secure you mad cash!"]] [["This job will accrue you mad cred..."]]]

$introducing[$rb[The Grifter]] We need someone of low maturity who utterly lacks moral purity. An artist of pickup who, without a hiccup, exploits any small insecurity. $more[However, you know that this grifter is a weak, unreliable drifter. He knows how to con, but lacks both brains and brawn, and cannot turn down a full snifter. [["I need you to help with this job..."]] [["You're just not cut out for high crime."]] (unless: $rvfail)[ $subact[$rv[The Grifter]] [[We need someone of high maturity...]]]]

$introducing[$rv[The Grifter]] We need someone of high maturity to help us break through their security. An artist of con, an elegant swan, high talent and higher obscurity. $more[This mistress of mind masquerade is always inclined to evade discussing her youth. She's nouveau, in truth. Respect her, or drop the charade? [["Good evening, dear mademoiselle."]] [["Yo! Are you up for a grift?"]] (unless: $rbfail)[ $subact[$rb[The Grifter]] [[We need someone of low maturity...]]]]

$mu["I need you to help with this job, a highest-stakes target to rob. We need to beguile a guard, and with style... but if you don't want to, no prob."] $more[$rb["I know you need //me,// I've no doubt. and you are so cute when you pout, but //I// don't need //you.//"] He bids you adieu. $rb["Meshugenah, no way, I'm out."] (set: $rbfail to true) $rvfail[(set: $badend to "BAD MESHUGENAH END")(set: $gotEndMeshugenah to true)(display: "BAD END")](else:)[ $subact[$rv[The Grifter]] [[We need someone of high maturity...]]]]

$mu["You're just not cut out for high crime. But since I like you, this one time, I'll let you in. And so, let's begin. One job before you're past your prime."] $more[$rb["Assumptive close //and// double neg? My dear, it's not like you to beg. Must be quite a deal if you're spoutin' the spiel. I'm all in, now cut the schmegegge!"] (set: $gotReverie to false) $more[$subact[$vg[The Cat Burglar]] [[A cat burglar rounds out the squad.]]]]

$mu["Good evening, dear mademoiselle."] You hand her a red Zinfandel. $mu["I've one piece of cake with a titanic take: One charm and one lift and one sell."] $more[$rv["Alas, I've been wined but not dined, how am I to make up my mind?"] $mu["Astute observations; I've made reservations for two."] She replies, $rv["You're too kind."] $more[At dinner, she says, $rv["So do share the particulars of this affair."] You tell her the deal. $rv["But what's the appeal to a fashionable, posh millionaire?"] [[You tell her the prize to be raided.]] [[You tell her the job's destination.]]]]

$mu["Yo! Are you up for a grift? We just need two charms and one lift. There's fat stacks of dough; you could buy a chapeau in the mountains, if you get my drift."] $more[$rv["My darling, chapeau means a hat, and mountains I find far too flat. I don't deign to dabble; I'll not join your rabble. It's best that we leave it at that."](set: $rvfail to true) $rbfail[(set: $badend to "BAD HAT END")(set: $gotEndHat to true)(display: "BAD END")](else:)[ $subact[$rb[The Grifter]] [[We need someone of low maturity...]]]]

$introducing[$mn[The Magician]] The team needs a famous magician if we're to accomplish our mission. The one who'd be stellar is Penn's partner $mn[Teller]. He's got both the skill and ambition. [["I know what you've done, and I'll snitch..."]] [["I need someone who can keep mum."]]

You tell her the job's destination. She spits out her wine. $rv["Invitation declined with distaste! I won't be disgraced in such an uncultured location."] (set: $rvfail to true) $rbfail[(set: $badend to "DISGRACEFUL BAD END")(set: $gotEndDisgraceful to true)(display: "BAD END")](else:)[ $subact[$rb[The Grifter]] [[We need someone of low maturity...]]]

You tell her the prize to be raided. $rv["Intriguing! I thought it had faded away into history! What glamour! What mystery! I'm in."] One persuader persuaded. (set: $gotReverie to true) $more[$subact[$vg[The Cat Burglar]] [[A cat burglar rounds out the squad.]]]

$mu["I know what you've done, and I'll snitch unless you agree to my pitch. But if you say yes, you're in for largesse. So which is it, jail or get rich?"] $more[$mu["Hey, where'd you go? Quit disappearing! It's just innocent racketeering! Fine. You won't play ball? You'll come back. You'll crawl. Whoa, hey! Give me back my left earring!"] [["I get that you're calling my bluff..."]] [["I'd like to completely retract..."]]]

$mu["I need someone who can keep mum. I'm trusting my life to you, chum. Here's what it's about. You in or you out?"] He smirks and he sticks up his thumb. $more[$subact[$rv[The Grifter]] Two scammers between whom to choose. Each knows how to pull off a ruse. But each has... uniqueness. To say it straight, weakness. One: fragile self-image, two: booze. [[We need someone of high maturity...]] [[We need someone of low maturity...]]]

$mu["I get that you're calling my bluff. You don't think I'll do it? Well, tough."] You ring up a Fed... your phone's somehow dead! Hot damn, that's a thorough rebuff. (set: $badend to "THOROUGH REBUFF END")(set: $gotEndRebuff to true)(display: "BAD END")

$mu["I'd like to completely retract my vicious and unfair attack! I'd never betray you; I just want to sway you!"] (set: $badend to "TOO LITTLE TOO LATE END")(set: $gotEndTooLate to true)(display: "BAD END") |pps)[p.s. He didn't come back.] {(live: 5s)[ (show: ?pps) (stop:) ]}

$introducing[$vg[The Cat Burglar]] A cat burglar rounds out the squad. Ah, why are the best always flawed? But we need the most agile to steal something fragile; it's too bad she's bolder than God. [["I need someone swift as an eagle..."->"I need someone swift as..."]] [["I need someone swift as a sparrow..."->"I need someone swift as..."]] [["I need someone swift as an ostrich..."->"I need someone swift as..."]]

$mu["I need someone swift as -"] $vg["I'm in!"] She cuts off your spiel with a grin. $vg["There's no time to waste!"] She heads out, fast-paced, and fake-punches you on the chin. $more[You follow her out. $mu["I'm delighted -"] $vg["Of course you are, babes, //I'm// invited. Let's go to the place!"] She's off. You give chase. And now, [[the whole team]] is united.]

{ (set: $askedLocation to false) (set: $askedReal to false) } <div class="act">Act II</div> |line2)[<div class="act">The Prep</div>] |limerick)[A warehouse. A bare room downstairs. A chalkboard. Four hard wooden chairs. One mastermind: you, addressing your crew: four misfits who want what's not theirs. $mu["So now the whole crew is united! But just in case someone's shortsighted, it's last chance to bail."] They stay. You exhale, relieved, optimistic, delighted. $mu["I've found a lost egg Fabergé. It's worth about this much, I'd say."] You write down the sum. Their jaws drop, struck dumb. $mu["It's ours - if we do it my way."] $mu["Rule 1 is that no one gets iced. Rule 2: the loot's evenly sliced. There's only two rules. Now listen up, fools! We're pulling a LIMERICK HEIST!"] [[You need to show brains, wit, and class...]] [[You need to show strength, gall, and sass...]]] {(live: 1s)[ (show: ?line2) (stop:) ]} {(live: 2s)[ (show: ?limerick)(stop:)]}

(set: $isStrong to false)You need to show brains, wit, and class, to make sure no doubts can amass. $mu["Got questions? That's fine. But this plan of mine anticipates each blade of grass."] (unless: $askedReal)[ [["This so-called 'lost egg': is it fake?"]] ](unless: $askedLocation)[ [["Where is the egg being stored?"]] ](unless: $gotReverie)[ [["What color's the egg? Is it orange?"]] ] [["Just dish out the deets of the deed!"]]

(set: $isStrong to true)You need to show strength, gall, and sass, curtailing defiance en masse. $mu["Now ask me your questions, but take your suggestions and shove them three feet up your ass!"] (unless: $askedReal)[ [["This so-called 'lost egg': is it fake?"]] ](unless: $askedLocation)[ [["Where is the egg being stored?"]] ](unless: $gotReverie)[ [["What color's the egg? Is it orange?"]] ] [["Just dish out the deets of the deed!"]]

(set: $askedReal to true)$es["This so-called 'lost egg': is it fake? And how dae we each git our stake? I say yer a liar to claim there's a buyer who won't make a stupid mistake."] $more[$isStrong[$mu["Believe it. The egg disappears. We won't end up like <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Millennium_Dome_raid" target="_blank">the De Beers</a>. The lost egg is real. The buyer won't squeal. They've had two 'lost' eggs for ten years."]](else:)[$mu["It's true that loose lips have high cost, but we will not be double-crossed. The buyer will stash it away in a cache beside two more thought to be lost."]] (unless: $askedLocation)[ [["Where is the egg being stored?"]] ](unless: $gotReverie)[ [["What color's the egg? Is it orange?"]] ] [["Just dish out the deets of the deed!"]]]

$rb["What color's the egg? Is it orange? Will I have to oil a door hinge? I have some concerns: Will we need these ferns to discharge the spores from their sporange?"] $more[Those questions, so wild and inane! Those end words, so forced and arcane! The strength of this crime against nature and rhyme has lit'rally melted your brain. (set: $badend to "BAD BRAINMELT END")(set: $gotEndBrainmelt to true)(display: "BAD END")]

$gotReverie["$vg[Just] $es[dish] $rv[out] $vg[the] $es[deets] $rv[of] $vg[the] $es[deed]$mn[,]"](else:)["$vg[Just] $es[dish] $rb[out] $vg[the] $es[deets] $rb[of] $vg[the] $es[deed]$mn[,]"] the curious criminals plead. $mu["I will. But before I do, we need more protection before we proceed."] $more[$mu["To undercut paranoid mania, or having to flee to Albania, We won't use real names. Instead, we'll use games. So what is the best Metroidvania?"] $more[$gotReverie[$mu["In hopes of preventing a fight, you cannot all be $hk[Hollow Knight]. You're $Reverie? $isStrong[Cool. you're $ESA, you'll be $Verge](else:)[Yay! And you're $ESA, you're $Verge], and you're $mn[Teller] outright."]](unless: $gotReverie)[$mu["In hopes of preventing a fight, you cannot all be $hk[Hollow Knight]. You're $Rabi? Okay, and you're $ESA, you're $Verge, and you're $mn[Teller] outright."]] $more[$mu["You're famous; there's no way to spin it. Don't worry, there's no way they'll pin it on - What? Didn't hear it. Oh, just for team spirit? I like it; yes, you can be $Minit."] $more[$mu["And now for the plan. So we're gonna - Oh, me? You can call me 'Mulana.' Explore the forbidden and unearth what's hidden. Right, here's the plan. Once upon a..."] [[Act III: The Job]]]]]]

{ (set: $gotCode to false)  (set: $gotLoot to false)  (set: $isESAdoomed to false) } <div class="act">Act III</div> |line2)[<div class="act">The Job</div>] |limerick)[$subact[The Line-Up] * $mu[Mulana, Mastermind (you)] * $gotReverie[$rv[Reverie, Grifter]](else:)[$rb[Rabi, Grifter]] * $mn[Minit, Magician (aka Teller)] * $es[ESA, Hacker] * $vg[Verge, Cat Burglar] In three weeks, the prep is all done. Earpieces in, one by one. It's 8:45. The players arrive. Let's move. The heist has begun. $gotReverie[ [[Reverie heads to the bar...->Reverie]]](else:)[ [[Rabi heads down to the bar...->Rabi]]]] {(live: 1s)[ (show: ?line2) (stop:) ]} {(live: 2s)[ (show: ?limerick)(stop:)]}

$introducing[$Reverie] <div>$Reverie heads to the bar where guards on break usually are. She pulls up a seat, looking downbeat. $rv["Bartender, one Golden Star."]</div> <div class="flashback">//(Three weeks earlier, at the warehouse) $mu["$Reverie, you'll use your charm to help get us past the alarm. Hit up $gd[this guard] and snatch his keycard, so none of us will come to harm."]//</div> (Present day) [["My aunt's favorite drink," says the guard.]] [["That's my favorite drink," says the guard.]]

$gd["My aunt's favorite drink,"] says the guard. Well, this isn't gonna be hard. $rv["It's splendid and rare for a drink of such flair to be known. Auntie has my regard."] $more[Fifteen minutes later, he breaks. $gd["I miss her so much my heart aches,"] He sobs and confides. She hugs him and slides her hand in his pocket and takes [[his access card, quickly, discreetly.]]]

$gd["That's my favorite drink,"] says the guard. $rv["Really? You know, it's so hard to find folks with taste out here in this waste."] $gd["Pishtosh, that's just a canard,"] [[replies the guard, waving his hands.]] [[replies the guard, waving dismissively.]] [[replies the guard, waving the sea.]]

$introducing[$Rabi] <div>$Rabi heads down to the bar where guards on break usually are. $rb["Target acquired,"] he mumbles, inspired. $rb["Bartender, one Golden Star."]</div> <div class="flashback">//(Three weeks earlier, at the warehouse) $mu["$Rabi, control and flirtation will aid us in our infiltration. Hit up $gd[this guard] and snatch his keycard, to access the target location."]//</div> (Present day) [["My aunt's favorite drink," the guard cheers.]] [["That's my favorite drink," says the guard.->BAD GUACAMOLE END]] [["The guard is a dude? Rabi's gay?"]]

$gd["My aunt's favorite drink,"] the guard cheers. $rb["Let's drink to your aunt! Two more beers!"] The two just keep drinking. $mu[//...the fuck was I thinking? This asshat's not one of my peers.//] (set: $badend to "BAD DRINKING END")(set: $gotEndDrinking to true)(display: "BAD RABI END")

$vg["The guard is a dude? $Rabis gay?"] $Verge asks in an earpiecely way. $rb["On the said topic, I'm panmisanthropic,"] he subvocalizes. $rb["Okay?"] [["My aunt's favorite drink," the guard cheers.]] [["That's my favorite drink," says the guard.->BAD GUACAMOLE END]]

$gd["That's my favorite drink,"] says the guard. $rb["Too bad, 'cuz I like my men hard, and this drink's vanilla. I want a gorilla who's naked and covered in lard!"] $more[The guard backs away very slowly, as if he's seen something unholy. The heist is now dead. If only he'd said $rb["nude, slathered in //guacamole.//"] (set: $badend to "BAD GUACAMOLE END")(set: $gotEndGuacamole to true)(display: "BAD RABI END")]

$introducing[$Minit] (set: $isPositiveFootnoteVisible to false)(set:$isPeterFootnoteVisible to false)(set: $isFamousFootnoteVisible to false) <div>$mu["$Reverie, hit $Minits act."] She melds with the crowd (yes, it's packed), and quickly prepares to catch $Mark unawares with subtlety, glamour, and tact.</div> <div class="flashback">//(Three weeks earlier, at the warehouse) $mu["The King Oaks's innermost vault could bring the whole heist to a halt. To get what we're owed, we'll need the right code. This calls for a mental assault. $Minit, a microexpression to you is a chatty confession. $Reverie, grift, then $Minit, you lift the vault code with fullest discretion."]//</div> { $isStrong[(replace: "with fullest discretion")[that guards our possession]] } $more[(Present day) $mk[The king] will now visit his villagers. Only he knows the particulars. It's $Mark, the owner, and soon-to-be donor of four crucial positive|positiveFootnote>[(display: "Open positiveFootnote")] integers. $more[$Mark now emerges alone. Oh no! $Minits cover is blown!|famousFootnote>[(display: "Open famousFootnote")] This gambling-hall dweller adores Penn and $mn[Teller], a fact which you just may have known. $more[$Mark is summarily drawn to $Minits performance/con. Time being scant, you say, $mu["Activate plant."] $Reverie urges $Mark on: $more[$rv["Four numbers between one and nine, I guess also zero is fine. Just think them real hard, like picking a card. He'll guess them! For real, he guessed mine!"] $more[$mk["I'll play,"] $Mark responds as designed, and thinks '0461' in his mind. $Minit gets it in one! $Mark grins, says, $mk["Well done! That sure is a - "] wait, let's rewind. (One second earlier...) $more[$mk["I'll play,"] $Mark responds to this goad, and tries not to think of the code. $mn[The purveyor of pocus] observes with full focus as if time itself has been slowed. $more[$Mark checks the watch on his wrist. He makes, then unclenches a fist. His jaw twitches twice. He clicks his pen thrice. One second betrayed the whole list. [[The vault code is 8523.]] [[The vault code is 9523.]]]]]]]]]

replies the guard, waving his hands. $rv["So prove it,"] she gaily commands. $rv["I mean no affront, but where must a girl hunt to find someone who understands?"] [[The guard laughs and shares with a smile...]]

replies the guard, waving dismissively. $rv["So prove it wrong,"] she says permissively. $rv["How does one not drown in this lovelorn town?"] She flutters her lashes submissively. [[The guard laughs and shares with a smile...]]

replies the guard, waving the sea. Oh, now you're just being carefree. Your curious clicking has earned you a kicking. I hereby kick you in the knee. (set: $badend to "SILLY END")(set: $gotEndSilly to true)(display: "BAD END")

The guard laughs and shares with a smile his story of love, loss, and guile. $Reverie nods, says, $rv["What are the odds? I've had an analogous trial."] $more[$gd["'Twas one year today,"] he reveals. $rv["I'm sorry. I know how it feels,"] she truly confides. They hug, and she slides her hand in his pocket and steals [[his access card, quickly, discreetly.]]]

his access card, quickly, discreetly. $rv["There, there,"] she comforts him sweetly. Their paths soon diverge. She palms it to $Verge. One mission accomplished completely! [[Reverie, hit Minit's act.->Minit]]

(set: $gotCode to false)The vault code is 8523. With that, $Minit now has the key. He signs it to $Verge, who then leaves to merge into the crowd, primed for the spree. [[Mark makes a new, conscious pick...]]

(set: $gotCode to true)The vault code is 9523. With that, $Minit now has the key. He signs it to $Verge, who then leaves to merge into the crowd, primed for the spree. [[Mark makes a new, conscious pick...]]

$Mark makes a new, conscious pick, and $Minit reads that just as quick: It's 0461. $Mark grins, says, $mk["Well done! That sure is a hell of a trick!"] $more[A trick $Minit will not reveal. It makes it so easy to steal! Gleaned from $Marks fidgets, confirmed by these digits; all four of the new ones aren't real. $more[The vault of $Marks mind has been cracked. With that, $Minit wraps up his act. Was it 8 or 9? Eh, it'll be fine. The plan is still... likely... intact. $isStrong[[["ESA, hit it!" you cry.->ESA]]](else:)[[["ESA, your turn!" you cry.->ESA]]]]]

$introducing[$ESA] <div>$isStrong[$mu["$ESA, hit it!"] you cry. She replies, $es["Hittin' it, aye."]](else:)[$mu["$ESA, your turn!"] you cry. She replies, $es["Loggin' in, aye."]] With onion and proxy, with backdoor and moxie, she gets root at the FBI.</div> <div class="flashback">//(Three weeks earlier, at the warehouse) $mu["King Oaks security links to FBI profiles of finks. When cameras detect 'em, the guards will eject 'em. At least, that's what everyone thinks..."]//</div> $more[(Present day) $es["$Reverie, send me th' faces,"] $ESA says, then replaces the face image files of card shark profiles in FBI crime databases with faces of innocent folks who recently entered King Oaks. $mu["Now,"] you entreat, $mu["it's time to retreat, before they can notice the hoax!"] $isStrong[(replace: "it's time to retreat")[you've got to retreat]] [["Got it, I'm loggin' oot noo..."]] [["First lemme cover ma tracks..."]] [["First lemme get intae trauchle..."]]]

$es["Got it, I'm loggin' oot noo,"] she says, and she logs out on cue. $es["Och jobby na! In ma haste tae withdraw there may be a traceable clue!"] [["If you hack back in, they will see."]] [["Stop panicking; do it again..."]]

$es["First lemme cover ma tracks,"] $ESA says as she hacks the logs of her edits, erasing the credits. $es["Okay, I'm logged oot noo, relax."] [[At the King Oaks, disarray...]]

$es["First lemme get intae trauchle,"] $ESA says with a chuckle. $es["Ess u space $wr[wray]... It's mah jammy day! I'll turn this place intae a duckle!"] $more[WHOOP! Alarms sound. They detect her. Vans soon converge on her sector. She's blown the whole plan. $wr["Don't mess with The Man,"] says $wr[Christopher Wray], the Director. (set: $badend to "BAD FBI END")(set: $gotEndFBI to true)(display: "BAD END")]

$mu["If you hack back in, they will see. They'll trace it to you, then to me. Let's trust your protections and mixed indirections. Keep out, and just let it be."] (set: $isESAdoomed to true) [[At the King Oaks, disarray...]]

$mu["Stop panicking; do it again,"] you tell $ESA. $mu["Hack back in."] She grumbles and gripes, and sweats as she types, then says, $es["Och! I did it! I win!"] [[At the King Oaks, disarray...]]

At the King Oaks, disarray, guards running every which way, not comprehending who they're apprehending, believing the fake dossier. $more[With so many felons, odds-on, Security thinks there's a con. They're right - although tricked about who they've picked to pin their suspicions upon. [[Verge, as a guard now disguised...->Verge]]]

$introducing[$Verge] <div>$Verge, as a guard now disguised, sails the crowd, unrecognized. She pulls out the card $Rev got from the guard. She swipes. "ACCESS CARD... (link: " (more)")[AUTHORIZED."</div> <div class="flashback">//(Three weeks earlier, at the warehouse) $mu["$Verge, then you'll go into action. You'll have card and code and distraction. Just spoof the last feed, and then do the deed: an excellent eggly extraction."]//</div> $more[(Present day) Since all the guards are diverted, the back halls are nearly deserted. $Verge nears the room wherein, we presume, the egg is, with no guards alerted. $more[One camera faces the door of the vault with the treasure in store. $Verge holds her breath. It's prison or death to mess this up. There's no encore. $more[$Verge does <a href="https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/CameraSpoofing" target="_blank">the trick with the snapshot</a> in hopes the security chap ought to still be distracted the moment she acted, and miss the switch in which the trap's wrought. $more[Now the feed's empty and still. $isStrong[$mu["$Verge, clear to enter at will,"]](else:)[$mu["$Verge, you may enter at will,"]] you say, and she taps the code which (perhaps) our $Minit got $mk[King Mark] to spill. $gotCode[ [[9523. Enter...]]](else:)[ [[8523. Enter...]]]]]]]]

8523. Enter. Red light. $vg["$Minit, that code isn't right."] $Minits doubt lingers. He holds up nine fingers. $Reverie relays, in sight. [[9523. Enter...]] [[8923. Enter...]] [[8593. Enter...]] [[8529. Enter...]] [["Minit, why will you not speak?"]]

9523. Enter. Accepted. $Verge is in, unintercepted. More gold and more green than anyone's seen! Ahem - present comp'ny excepted. [["One: swipe the egg, then two: split."]] [[There's no harm in grabbing some loot.]]

The unholy unearthly scourge pursues a host with whom to merge. A nearby young cheat has met her defeat: The demon possesses our $Verge. (set: $badend to "BAD DEMON END")(set: $gotEndDemon to true)(set: $ps to "BUT HEY, SEQUEL HOOK!") (display: "BAD END")

$rv["$Minit, why will you not speak?"] $Reverie asks him with pique. $Minit opens his mouth and the plan goes deep south, as all that comes out is a shriek. $more[The demon that's dwelt in his lung since $Minit contained it while young escapes to wreak evil. Amidst this upheaval, $Rev sees $Minits lack of a tongue. [[The unholy unearthly scourge...]]]

8923. Enter. Still red. Sirens. The heist is now dead. Guards apprehend her, but to the end, she left all the details unsaid. [[Minit and Verge go to jail...]]

8593. Enter. Still red. Sirens. The heist is now dead. Guards apprehend her, but to the end, she left all the details unsaid. [[Minit and Verge go to jail...]]

8529. Enter. Still red. Sirens. The heist is now dead. Guards apprehend her, but to the end, she left all the details unsaid. [[Minit and Verge go to jail...]]

$Minit and $Verge go to jail. Felony theft without bail, three years in the slammer. You get your jackhammer... but that is a whole 'nother tale. (set: $badend to "BAD PRISON BREAK END")(set: $gotEndPrison to true)(display: "BAD END")

$mu["One: swipe the egg, then two: split,"] { (if: $isStrong)[you order. $Verge executes it.] (if: (not $isStrong) and $gotLoot)[She does both. $mu["Superb,"] you transmit.] (if: (not $isStrong) and (not $gotLoot))[She's done both before you transmit.] } With nary a hitch, a glitch or a snitch, it's going so smoothly... (link: " (more)")[$mu["Oh, shit!"] [[Act IV: Oh, Shit!]]]

(set: $gotLoot to true)There's no harm in grabbing some loot. It's just sitting there looking cute. $Verge grabs cash and gold, the most she can hold, and then she returns to her route. [["One: swipe the egg, then two: split."]]

<div class="act">Act IV</div> |line2)[<div class="act">Oh, Shit!</div>] |limerick)[The snapshot deception's revealed! Security found it and sealed all entrances down. You say with a frown, $mu["I know how you'll get through their shield."] $isStrong[(replace: "I know how")[So here's how]] [["Go upward through the air duct."]] [["You're dressed as a guard. You'll be fine."]]] {(live: 1s)[ (show: ?line2) (stop:) ]} {(live: 2s)[ (show: ?limerick)(stop:)]}

$subact[The Team] <ul><li>$mu[The Mastermind (you)] <li>$es[The Hacker] <li>$mn[The Magician] <li>$rv[The Grifter] <li>$vg[The Cat Burglar]</ul> [[Act II: The Prep]]

(display: "Close famousFootnote") <div class="footnote">He's famous. It's meant as a jest. It's hard to hide when you're the best. It means that he must have absolute trust in you to enlist in this quest.</div>

|optFamous>[*](click: ?optFamous)[(replace: ?famousFootnote)[(display: "famousFootnote")]]

|optFamous>[*](click: ?optFamous)[(replace: ?famousFootnote)[(display: "Open famousFootnote")]]

(display: "Close positiveFootnote") <div class="footnote">Non-negative. Don't be a pedant. Must only perfection be pleasant? Was Peter the poet|peterFootnote>[(display: "Open peterFootnote")] not sort of heroic? Why not give out partial credit?</div>

|optPositive>[*](click: ?optPositive)[(replace: ?positiveFootnote)[(display: "positiveFootnote")]]

|optPositive>[*](click: ?optPositive)[(replace: ?positiveFootnote)[(display: "Open positiveFootnote")]]

(display: "Close peterFootnote") <div class="footnote">There once was a poet named Peter who was sometimes a bit of a cheater. His poems would rhyme almost all of the time, but he would occasionally take some liberties with the meter.</div>

|optPeter>[**](click: ?optPeter)[(replace: ?peterFootnote)[(display: "peterFootnote")]]

|optPeter>[**](click: ?optPeter)[(replace: ?peterFootnote)[(display: "Open peterFootnote")]]

(set: $askedLocation to true)$vg["Where is the egg being stored? Are there lasers? Or guards? Or a horde of mad caribou? In other words, who do I sneak past to get this reward?"] $more[$mu["It's stored in a big house of cards; we're going the whole nineteen yards. Casino King Oaks, a name that evokes no lasers, no beasts, but yes guards."] (unless: $askedReal)[ [["This so-called 'lost egg': is it fake?"]] ](unless: $gotReverie)[ [["What color's the egg? Is it orange?"]] ] [["Just dish out the deets of the deed!"]]]

$mu["Go upward through the air duct. There's an exit they didn't obstruct. Once you're on top, it's just a short hop."] $vg["And if you're wrong, babes?"] $mu["I'll instruct."] $isStrong[(replace: "I'll instruct")[Then we're fucked]] $more[$Verge finds the duct in a nook. She gets out her grappling hook. The hookshot extends. She grabs and ascends, a rapidly rocketing crook. [[Oh, shit! Now they're watching the roof!]] [[Oh, shit! Her grip slips, and Verge falls!]] [[Oh, shit! The line breaks; Verge is falling!]]]

Oh, shit! The rope breaks; $Verge is falling! The duct is quite tight; she starts crawling. $vg["I misplaced my poise and made lots of noise. The whole thing's remarkably galling."] $more[$Verge crawls back down. $vg["The roof's scrapped; There's no way off now my line's snapped. $Mulana, what next?"] she asks, slightly vexed. You say, $mu["We'll just have to adapt."] [["You're dressed as a guard. You'll be fine."]]]

Oh, shit! Now they're watching the roof! $mu[$isStrong["Abort, if you're not bulletproof.](else:)["Sorry, $Verge, I made a goof.] This exit's now watched."] $vg["Well, this route is botched, so what now?"] $Verge asks in reproof. [["You're dressed as a guard. You'll be fine."]]

Oh, shit! Her grip slips, and $Verge falls! She extends arms and legs to the walls. She comes to a stop, then climbs to the top. $vg["I'm just that good,"] she recalls. $more[$Verge hits the roof right on cue, and then makes her tightrope debut. She grapples next door from the 28th floor and grumbles, $vg["I question Rule 2."] [[Oh, shit! A stiff wind from the west!]] [[Oh, shit! A stiff breeze from the east!]]]

$mu["You're dressed as a guard. You'll be fine. Just walk right on up past the line and say that $Mark sent you. The guards won't prevent you. Walk boldly and straighten your spine."] [[Verge summons all of her chutzpah...]] [[Verge summons all her audacity...]]

Oh, shit! A stiff wind from the west! $Verge slips! ...then recovers, unstressed. She makes her escape With nary a scrape. $mu["Well done, $Verge! I'm really impressed."] [[Hand over hand she completes...]]

Oh, shit! A stiff breeze from the east! $Verge falls like the tightrope is greased! With utmost command she whips out her hand and grabs the rope, not yet deceased. $more[$Verge takes a whole stanza to gloat, Your eyes glaze; you tune out her gloat. She gloats and she gloats, then gloats and then gloats. Blah blah and blah blah, end of gloat. [[Hand over hand she completes...]]]

Hand over hand she completes her tightrope climb over the streets. Escaping unseen, (if: not $isESAdoomed)[the teammates convene. $Verge takes the last of the seats. [[Act V: The End]]](else:)[the teammates convene... But wait! There are two empty seats. $more[$vg["One's my seat,"] $Verge says in dismay, but where the heck is $ESA?" Feds bust down the door. $wr["In jail, like you four soon will be,"] says $wr[Christopher Wray], Director of the FBI. He snarls with a gleam in his eye, $wr["She left a nice trace that led to this place. Now cuff 'em!"] He straightens his tie. (set: $badend to "BAD TRACE END")(set: $gotEndTrace to true)(display: "BAD REWIND END")]]

<div class="act">Act V</div> |line2)[<div class="act">The End</div>] |limerick)[A warehouse. A bare room downstairs. Champagne, and four hard wooden chairs. One mastermind: you, addressing your crew: four misfits who got what's not theirs. $more[$mu["$Verge, let's inspect our new prize."] She shows it around to wide eyes. An egg made of gold with stories untold, hard-earned with your blood, sweat, and lies. $isStrong[(replace: ", let's inspect")[ will present]] $more[$Minit looks close at the base. A strange look comes over his face. Etched with a pin in writing quite thin, a lost Russian rhyme is in place: $more[Идти к востоку от реки Клад похоронено навеки Копать в сквер Я открою дверь Раскрывая загадку ацтеки $more[$es["Go tae the east o' the river, The treasure is buried forever. Dig in the square, I will open the door, revealin' the... Aztec enigma?!"] $more[$ESA translates, perplexed. $es["Dae ye think 'tis authentic, this text? Burried treasure is grand, but a baerd in the hand -"] $vg["...is worth mad cash!"] $Verge interjects. $more[$vg["Just write the dang treasure map down, then let's sell the egg and split town."] $Rev says, $rv["Don't ignore '//I// will open the door'; we may need to keep it around."] [[A fifth of a fortune's enough.]] [["To St. Petersburg!" you suggest.]]]]]]]]] {(live: 1s)[ (show: ?line2) (stop:) ]} {(live: 2s)[ (show: ?limerick)(stop:)]}

$Verge summons all of her chutzpah but can't think of rhyme words for "chutzpah". While tongue-tied, a-stammer, the guards pierce her glamour. Arrested on charges of chutzpah. (set: $badend to "CHUTZPAH")(set: $gotEndChutzpah to true)(display: "BAD END")

$Verge summons all her audacity, hoping for imperspicacity. $vg["$Mark sent me."] She leaves. The guards grunt. $Verge heaves a sigh of relief and mendacity. (if: $gotLoot)[$more[Oh, shit! A gold bar has come loose! It falls with a clank! $mu["$Verge, vamoose!"] She tries, but they cuff her and give her some guff, saying, $gd["Soon you'll be facing the noose!"] $more[$vg["Um, way to, like, play on my fears, but attempted grand theft's like three years, //and// there's no hanging. See, I'm defanging your threats! You got more? I'm all ears!"] [[Verge holds her own with elation]] [[Verge holds her own with flirtation]]]]](if: not $gotLoot)[(if: not $isESAdoomed)[ [[Act V: The End]]](else:)[$more[The team reunites right away. $Verge asks, $vg["Where the heck's $ESA?"] Feds bust down the door. $wr["In jail, like you four soon will be,"] says $wr[Christopher Wray], Director of the FBI. He snarls with a gleam in his eye, $wr["She left a nice trace that led to this place. Now cuff 'em!"] He straightens his tie. (set: $badend to "BAD TRACE END")(set: $gotEndTrace to true)(display: "BAD REWIND END")]]]

A fifth of a fortune's enough. The riddle was likely a bluff. You contact the buyer. You sell, and acquire five bags of mad cash. It's not tough. $more[$mu["Good job, team,"] you say with affection. Your hand in the center. Connection. Five overlapped hands. The team then disbands, each walking a different direction. (set: $goodend to "GOOD RICH END")(set: $gotEndRich to true) (unless: $gotLoot)[(display: "GOOD EPILOGUE END")]$gotLoot[<div class="ending">$goodend</div> $more[$Verge smuggled out and retrieved some gold bars that no one perceived. She chose not to share. It doesn't seem fair, but hey, I guess thieves gonna thieve! (set: $goodend to "VERY GOOD VERY RICH END")(set: $gotEndVeryRich to true)(set: $ps to "BUT ONLY FOR VERGE")(display: "GOOD EPILOGUE END") ]]]

$mu["To St. Petersburg!"] you suggest. $mu["Fact 1 is that we are the best. Fact 2: we will win. Who's with me?"] "$es[A]$vg[l]$rv[l] $es[i]$rv[n]$mn[!]" $mu["Let's go on a...] $more[ <div class="titlecard">$mu[LIMERICK QUEST]</div> (set: $goodend to "GOOD SEQUEL HOOK END")(set: $gotEndQuest to true)(display: "GOOD END")]

$Verge holds her own with elation 'gainst threats all the way to the station. She maintains good cheer throughout the whole year, though not her whole incarceration. (set: $badend to "BAD GREED END")(set: $gotEndGreed to true)(display: "BAD REWIND END")

$Verge holds her own with flirtation 'gainst threats all the way to the station. The guard gets a crush, but is not in a rush. They hook up, post-incarceration. (set: $badend to "STILL A BAD END THO")(set: $gotEndJail to true)(set: $ps to "BECAUSE JAIL")(display: "BAD REWIND END")

{  (set: $isMore to true) (set: $more to (link: "(more)"))   (set: $gotEndHacker to false) (set: $gotEndMeshugenah to false) (set: $gotEndHat to false) (set: $gotEndDisgraceful to false) (set: $gotEndRebuff to false) (set: $gotEndTooLate to false) (set: $gotEndBrainmelt to false) (set: $gotEndDrinking to false) (set: $gotEndGuacamole to false) (set: $gotEndSilly to false) (set: $gotEndFBI to false) (set: $gotEndDemon to false) (set: $gotEndPrison to false) (set: $gotEndTrace to false) (set: $gotEndChutzpah to false) (set: $gotEndTrace to false) (set: $gotEndGreed to false) (set: $gotEndJail to false) (set: $gotEndQuest to false) (set: $gotEndRich to false) (set: $gotEndVeryRich to false)  (set: $ps to false) (set: $isPositiveFootnoteVisible to false) (set: $isPeterFootnoteVisible to false) (set: $isFamousFootnoteVisible to false) }

<div class="ending">$badend(if: $ps is not false)[|ps)[<br /> $ps ]] (live: 4s)[(show: ?ps) (stop:)]</div> Too bad! Would you like to (link-undo:"undo") your last choice, or (link:"restart")[(reload:)] anew from the start of the story? (Mis)fortune and glory await someone - possibly you!

<div class="ending">$goodend(if: $ps is not false)[|ps)[<br /> $ps ]]</div> (live: 4s)[(show: ?ps) (stop:)]</div> Congrats! Would you like to (link-undo:"undo") your last choice, or (link:"restart")[(reload:)] anew? There's also (link-reveal: "a list that you may have missed: all endings for you to review.")[ * BAD BRAINMELT END (link:"(hint)")[(Act II, $Rabi)] * BAD DEMON END (link:"(hint)")[(Act III)] * BAD DRINKING END (link:"(hint)")[(Act III, $Rabi)] * BAD FBI END (link:"(hint)")[(Act III)] * BAD GREED END (link:"(hint)")[(Acts III-IV)] * BAD GUACAMOLE END (link:"(hint)")[(Act III, $Rabi)] * BAD HACKER END (link:"(hint)")[(Act I)] * BAD HAT END (link:"(hint)")[(Act I)] * BAD MESHUGENAH END (link:"(hint)")[(Act I)] * BAD PRISON BREAK END (link:"(hint)")[(Act III)] * BAD TRACE END (link:"(hint)")[(Acts III-IV)] * CHUTZPAH (link:"(hint)")[(Act IV)] * DISGRACEFUL BAD END (link:"(hint)")[(Act I)] * SILLY END (link:"(hint)")[(Act III, $Reverie)] * STILL A BAD END THO BECAUSE JAIL (link:"(hint)")[(Acts III-IV)] * THOROUGH REBUFF END (link:"(hint)")[(Act I)] * TOO LITTLE TOO LATE END (link:"(hint)")[(Act I)] * GOOD SEQUEL HOOK END (link:"(hint)")[(Act V)] * GOOD RICH END (link:"(hint)")[(Act V)] * VERY GOOD VERY RICH END (link:"(hint)")[(Acts III-V) (link:"(another hint)")[There's no harm in grabbing some loot.]] ]

{  (set: $isStrong to false) (set: $gotReverie to true) (set: $gotLoot to false)  (set: $isESAdoomed to false)  (set: $rbfail to false) (set: $rvfail to false)  (set: $askedReal to false) (set: $askedLocation to false)  (set: $gotCode to false)  }

{  (set: $es to (color: orange)) (set: $gd to (color: grey)) (set: $hk to (color: white)) (set: $mk to (color: cyan)) (set: $mn to (color: yellow)) (set: $mu to (color: "#90EE90")) (set: $rb to (color: red)) (set: $rv to (color: red)) (set: $vg to (color: magenta)) (set: $wr to (color: "#8888dd"))  (set: $ESA to "$es[ESA]") (set: $ESAs to "$es[ESA's]") (set: $Mark to "$mk[Mark]") (set: $Marks to "$mk[Mark's]") (set: $Minit to "$mn[Minit]") (set: $Minits to "$mn[Minit's]") (set: $Mulana to "$mu[Mulana]") (set: $Mulanas to "$mu[Mulana's]") (set: $Rabi to "$rb[Rabi]") (set: $Rabis to "$rb[Rabi's]") (set: $Reverie to "$rv[Reverie]") (set: $Reveries to "$rv[Reverie's]") (set: $Rev to "$rv[Rev]") (set: $Revs to "$rv[Rev's]") (set: $Verge to "$vg[Verge]") (set: $Verges to "$vg[Verge's]")  (set: $titlecard to (css: "font-size: 500%; line-height: 100%;")) (set: $act to (css: "font-size: 200%; line-height: 100%") + (text-style:'bold') + (align:"=><=")) (set: $subact to (css: "font-size: 150%; line-height: 100%") + (align:"=><=")) (set: $introducing to (css: "font-size: 150%; line-height: 100%") + (align:"=><=") + (t8n: "slide-left")) }

<div class="mainmenu"><img src="http://pacesmith.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/09/limerick-heist-cover-art-256px-blackspaceless.png" alt="LIMERICK HEIST"> [[Play->intro]] [[Options]] [[About]]</div>

You know all those links labeled "(more)"? If all of that clicking's a bore, disable them all and nevermore stall. Or keep 'em; take time to explore. { $isMore[(click: "disable them all")[(set: $isMore to false)(set: $more to true)(goto: "Options")]] (else:)[(click: "keep 'em")[(set: $isMore to true)(set: $more to (link: "(more)"))(goto: "Options")]] } [[Main Menu]]

I'm <a href="http://pacesmith.com/games/" target="_blank">Pace</a>; I created this game! I'd like to give props (but no blame) to Viv Dunstan, Mike Carletta, Liz Dykes, Ryan Tan, and more testers to name: Dawn Sueoka, Freedom To Be, Amanda, and Ant. I decree these folks to be great. Kelly Kingman makes eight; she made the artwork for me! This game's dedicated to Kyeli, my mastermind mistress most wily. You bolstered my art and heisted my heart. Thanks for supporting me! (: [[Main Menu]]

<div class="ending">$badend(if: $ps is not false)[|ps)[<br /> $ps ]]</div> (live: 4s)[(show: ?ps) (stop:)] Too bad! Would you like to (link-undo:"undo") your last choice, or (link:"restart")[(reload:)] anew? Or you could [[rewind to Act III->Act III: The Job]] to find an alternate path to pursue.

<div class="ending">$goodend(if: $ps is not false)[|ps)[<br /> $ps ]]</div> (live: 4s)[(show: ?ps) (stop:)]</div> $more[<div class="act">Epilogue</div> {(live: 1s)[ (show: ?limerick)(stop:)]} |limerick)[There once was $rv[a grifter] with style who found bigger fish to beguile. With her new bigger bait, there's no head of state diplomatic-immune to her smile. $more[There once was $mn[a famous magician] of quiet, assured disposition. Solely his smirk betrays his great work in the ill-gotten egg acquisition. $more[There once was $es[a hacker], a Scot who put all the money she got into quantum computing. She's now executing on a Turing-complete quantum dot. $more[There once was $vg[a cat burglar, Verge], who skydives when she gets the urge. She flies and spelunks, beats up Shaolin monks, buys airplanes when she wants to splurge. { $gotEndVeryRich[(replace: "airplanes")[(cycling-link: "airplanes", "spaceships", "caverns", "fiefdoms", "jackals", "game shows", "star names")]] } $more[There once was $mu[a mastermind (you)] who gathered a curious crew. They stole a lost treasure of worth beyond measure, and now we must bid them adieu. $more[$gotEndVeryRich[$mu["Rule 1 was that no one got iced. Rule 2: the loot's evenly sliced."] $Verge guiltlessly grins. $mu["We did it, my friends; we pulled off a...]](else:)[$mu["Rule 1 was that no one got iced. Rule 2: the loot's evenly sliced. And here's where it ends. We did it, my friends; we pulled off a...]] $more[<div class="titlecard">$mu[LIMERICK HEIST]</div> Congrats! Would you like to (link-undo:"undo") your last choice, or (link:"restart")[(reload:)] anew? There's also (link-reveal: "a list that you may have missed: all endings for you to review.")[ * BAD BRAINMELT END (link:"(hint)")[(Act II, $Rabi)] * BAD DEMON END (link:"(hint)")[(Act III)] * BAD DRINKING END (link:"(hint)")[(Act III, $Rabi)] * BAD FBI END (link:"(hint)")[(Act III)] * BAD GREED END (link:"(hint)")[(Acts III-IV)] * BAD GUACAMOLE END (link:"(hint)")[(Act III, $Rabi)] * BAD HACKER END (link:"(hint)")[(Act I)] * BAD HAT END (link:"(hint)")[(Act I)] * BAD MESHUGENAH END (link:"(hint)")[(Act I)] * BAD PRISON BREAK END (link:"(hint)")[(Act III)] * BAD TRACE END (link:"(hint)")[(Acts III-IV)] * CHUTZPAH (link:"(hint)")[(Act IV)] * DISGRACEFUL BAD END (link:"(hint)")[(Act I)] * SILLY END (link:"(hint)")[(Act III, $Reverie)] * STILL A BAD END THO BECAUSE JAIL (link:"(hint)")[(Acts III-IV)] * THOROUGH REBUFF END (link:"(hint)")[(Act I)] * TOO LITTLE TOO LATE END (link:"(hint)")[(Act I)] * GOOD SEQUEL HOOK END (link:"(hint)")[(Act V)] * GOOD RICH END (link:"(hint)")[(Act V)] * VERY GOOD VERY RICH END (link:"(hint)")[(Acts III-V) (link:"(another hint)")[There's no harm in grabbing some loot.]] ]]]]]]]]]

<div class="ending">$badend(if: $ps is not false)[|ps)[<br /> $ps ]]</div> (live: 4s)[(show: ?ps) (stop:)] Too bad! Would you like to (link-undo:"undo") your last choice, or (link:"restart")[(reload:)] anew from the start of the tale? You're going to fail if you didn't choose the best crew.