The Sweetest Honey

(if: $death is 0)[Anima wakes up. (click:"wakes up") [Some light shines through the shutters of his room, it annoys him. Several beams of light shoot across the space. An old sofa, a ceiling fan and a queen-size bed break down into bright slats. A red light from a dark corner of his room lets him know it is 7 am. Anima gets out of bed and walks, shuffling, the carpeted floor all the way out of his piece. He enters the bathroom: it is small with worn out teal tiles, attacked by moisture; there's a wooden tray, a scaly toilet and a bidet that has stopped working. Looks at his reflection: old, tired, sad; with his 40-something years, (48, 49? Whatever...) he doesn't even bother identifying if his baldness is getting more noticeable, or if his belly is getting too big for the rest of his body... He determines to stop thinking for a while. Washes his face, smiles to himself. Heads for [[breakfast|1.5]].]] (elseif: $death is 1)[Anima wakes up startled. He's alive, can't understand how, but he is. Was it all a dream? He looks at the time, it is 7 am of the same day... Everything points to a very vivid dream, one of those dreams in which you think that you wake up and go on with the daily routine, until you actually wake up... He can still feel the stone cold and humid floor in the back of his head... Anima enters the bathroom fearfully, washes his face and debates if he should [[go to work|2b]] or [[go back to bed|2]]...] (elseif: $death is 2)[Even before waking up, he's already sitting up in bed. Sweat impregnates each centimeter of his body. Anima finds the clock in the darkness: 7 am. His head spins... Again? Another dream? He has always been a contemplative and rational person, he had no issues in discovering the unexplainble... Sometimes, he would simply accept things as they were. However, a creeping uncertainty chilled him to the bone. Somehow he was ''reviving''. Anima, as the expert he was in self control and self restrain, decides to discard that idea to the depths of his mind, for the sake of his slipping sanity. Although, the idea appears almost tangible; escapes his mind, follows him into the bathroom, breaths down his neck. Anima looks into the mirror, there is no one behind him. (if: (history:) contains "6b")[Anima opens his first aid kit, fearful. He looks at the different pill bottles. Their happy and schreeching colors are sleeping inside the dark amber, they look sinister. His pulse trembles, but he empties the bottles into the toilet. He flushes. [[He is not going to work today|2]].] (else:)[Anima manages to keep a stable enough pulse as to wash his face without splashing water everywhere. "Don't think, don't think". With each phrase, he wets his face with the ice cold water. His pulse stabilizes. The fear goes away. He can now figure out if he is [[going to work|2b]] or if he's [[staying home|2]].]] (elseif: $death is 3)[Anima opens his eyes. He's alive. Turns to the clock: 7 am of the same day. Again. A chill goes down his spine, but he is not afraid. Or maybe he is, but not of the same things... [[Today he can do whatever he wants|2c]].] (elseif: $death is 4)[Anima wakes up. He isn't sure if he is really waking up or if he is already dead and what he's experiencing isn't a resurrection but (text-style:"smear")[limbo]. 7 am. Again. ''He thinks of killing himself''...(click: "He thinks of killing himself")[But there is no use, he will only keep coming back indefinitely. He will keep tormenting himself for the rest of eternity. And what if he survived until the next day? Is there anything beyond today? What would happen if he kept on living until he died a natural death in his eighties? (Nineties, if we're being optimistic...) Would he come back to this point in time, to the present time when he was 48? It does not make any sense. Anima washes his face in the bathroom, upset, he looks at himself, pale as the dead... Yes, dead, because he's already dead. He died a long time a go. He doesn't even bother drying himself up, then he makes his way [[to the kitchen|1.5]].]]

(if: $death is 0)[Anima gets out of bed to go to the rest room. But his phone rings.(click:"phone rings") [ Is his Father, from the nursing home. He asks if he's planning on going to visit. Anima hesitates, he wants to say no, but he doesn't want to scare his Father, so he just says he's very sick. His Father stays silent, apologizes and hangs up.(click:"hangs up") [ An hour later, Anima gets another call from the nursing home, his Father has escaped. [[Anima stays put in his appartment|4]].]]] (elseif: $death is 1)[(if: (history:) contains "3b") [Anima is getting ready to clean the bathroom. He sweeps the broom and as he piles some dirt he realizes this isn't working, he's still thinking of Beto. He starts crying. The phone rings and pulls him out of his misery, at least for a moment. He breaths, calms himselfs and picks up.(click:"picks up")[ Is his father, who asks if he's planning on [[visiting|4c]]. Anima doesn't answer, he shuffles through the options, maybe instead he [[stays home.|4]]]] (else:)[Anima eats a plain piece of bread, he's so engrossed by the "dream" he had earlier, that he forgets about the next call.(click:"call")[ Is his Father, who asks if he's planning on [[visiting|4c]]. Anima doesn't answer, he shuffles through the options, maybe instead he [[stays home.|4]] ]]] (elseif: $death is 2)[Anima lays down and tosses around in his bed. He can't sleep, he wants to blame the stress. All in all, his body feels as if made of a extremely heavy material. He's lacking energy, but his head is flying chaoticly through incoherent delusions... Could he be (text-style: "fade-in-out")[''immortal'']? (if: (history:) contains "8c")[The phone ringing saves Anima from himself, he picks up.(click:"picks up")[ "Hello, Father." The voice on the other side is surprised: "How did you know it was me?" Anima says he guessed, his father, still perplexed, asks if he's going to visit. Anima says that maybe another day. They both stay silent. Anima is about to say something, but his Father interrupts him, says goodbye and hangs up. [[Anima throws himself on his bed|4]].]] (else:)[The phone ringing saves Anima from himself, he picks up. (click:"picks up")[ "Hello, Father." The voice on the other side is surprised: "How did you know it was me?" Anima says he guessed, his father, still perplexed, [[asks if he's coming to visit|4c]]. Anima isn't sure what to answer. Given his situation... [[Wouldn't it be better to stay?|4]]]]]

(if: $death is 0)[Anima is lost in a huge yard. He travels labyrinthic halls made of grass and stone. Exhausted, he arrives to a house, but he can't get into it, since it isn't his. He grows desperate, he screams and kicks. No reactions. However, he recognizes a figure from inside the house: it's his life long friend. He tries to call him, but on the crucial moment... He can't remember the name. Anima knocks at the window. For each knock, a ring resounds, louder each time. (click:"a ring") [Anima wakes up, he is in his bed, in his apartment. He looks at his night table. The sound is coming from the phone and Anima answers half asleep. Sofia, his ex wife, is calling, berates him for not attending his son's, Apolo, birthday. Anima wakes up entirely and tries to make up an excuse, but his ex puts his son on, who coldly states he hates him. Anima removes his ear from the phone, he hears Sofia yelling again, but he hangs up. He lies face up, he feels no desire to cry... He just stays there. [[Anima stays in his apartment|5]].]] (elseif: $death is 1)[(if: (history:) contains "4c")[Anima goes back to his appartment. It's 3pm, his son's birthday party starts in a couple hours. He knows heading there early would mean calling her ex wife for permision... Or arrive early and be scolded... Even thrown. Relationships where never his strong suit, but he and Sofia always had a very peculiar link. They never really learned to care for each other the right way, or so he believed. It could also be he never really showed how much he cared, too worried about his own insecurities... They quite resent each other. Anima awakes when he feels the warm contact of his saliva on his belly. With the last of his mind's energy he arrives to the decision: [[go to his son's birthday|5d]] or [[take a nap|5e]].] (else:)[Anima makes a huge attempt to keep awake, but he's exhausted. Almost as if he had really lived through that dream... It's 3pm, his son's birthday party starts in a couple hours. He knows heading there early would mean calling her ex wife for permision... Or arrive early and be scolded... Even thrown. Relationships where never his strong suit, but he and Sofia always had a very peculiar link. They never really learned to care for each other the right way, or so he believed. It could also be he never really showed how much he cared, too worried about his own insecurities... They quite resent each other. Anima awakes when he feels the warm contact of his saliva on his belly. With the last of his mind's energy he arrives to the decision: [[go to his son's birthday|5d]] or [[take a nap|5e]].]] (elseif: $death is 2)[(if: (history:) contains "8d")[(if: (count: (history:), "4c") <= 2)[Anima goes back to his appartment. He looks at the clock with closer attention, it is exactly 3pm. Anima turns off his cellphone and disconnects the land line. An unexpected surge of energy proped from his insides doing it, as he had a (text-style:"shudder")[realization]. He can do whatever he wants, he isn't like the rest of men. This time he savours the words as he repeats them out loud: (text-style:"shudder")["I am immortal"]. Yes, he is and [[he can do as he pleases|5]].] (else:)[Anima wakes up. It feels like he slept 7 or 10 minutes. He feels it was a lifetime, anyway, he's still tired. He looks at the clock with closer attention, it is exactly 3pm. He acknowledges how stupid it would be to [[go to Sofia's place|5d]]. But he consideres it, nevertheless. Maybe seeing his son would be a comforting way of "ending" the day... Anima knows it's not about him (above all, specially today), even thou he feels the hostility, the rejection... He knows things tend to get sour every time he goes to Sofia's... But, maybe he can avoid it... In that instant facing the dangers of a confrontation, Anima feels a tingle: a mix of fear and excitement. He can do whatever he wants, he isn't like the rest of men. This time he savours the words as he repeats them out loud: (text-style:"shudder")["I am immortal"]. Yes, he is and [[he can do as he pleases|5]].]] (else:)[(if: (count: (history:), "4c") <= 2)[Anima goes back to his appartment. He sits in his bed, defeated, tired. His arms and shoulders feel stiff, as stone. He looks at the clock with closer attention, it is exactly 3pm. He acknowledges how stupid it would be to [[go to Sofia's place|5d]]. But he consideres it, nevertheless. Maybe seeing his son would be a comforting way of "ending" the day... Anima knows it's not about him (above all, specially today), even thou he feels the hostility, the rejection... He knows things tend to get sour every time he goes to Sofia's... But, maybe he can avoid it... In that instant facing the dangers of a confrontation, Anima feels a tingle: a mix of fear and excitement. He can do whatever he wants, he ain't an ordinary man. This time he savours the words, as he repeats them out loud: (text-style:"shudder")["I am immortal"]. Yes he is and [[he can do as he pleases|5]].] (else:)[Anima wakes up. It seems he fell asleep without noticing... 7 or 10 minutes. He feels it was a lifetime, anyway, he's still tired, his arms and shoulders feel stiff, as stone. He looks at the clock with closer attention, it is exactly 3pm. He acknowledges how stupid it would be to [[go to Sofia's place|5d]]. But he consideres it, nevertheless. Maybe seeing his son would be a comforting way of "ending" the day... Anima knows it's not about him (above all, specially today), even thou he feels the hostility, the rejection... He knows things tend to get sour every time he goes to Sofia's... But, maybe he can avoid it... In that instant facing the dangers of a confrontation, Anima feels a tingle: a mix of fear and excitement. He can do whatever he wants, he ain't an ordinary man. This time he savours the words, as he repeats them out loud: (text-style:"shudder")["I am immortal"]. Yes he is and [[he can do as he pleases|5]].]]]

(if: $death is 0)[Anima spends some time watching TV. Nothing interesting, news he can't really empatize mostly. Everything seems ridiculously fake. The phone pulls him out of the trance. (click:"phone") [It's his boss, who asks why he isn't at work. Anima doesn't reply, he stutters. The boss jumps for his throat, tells him, loudly, that he's out of his mind for not giving a notice, he was even thinking of giving him the day off, but if Anima isn't there tomorrow he's considering firing him. The boss hangs up abruptly, but [[Anima doesn't worry, he's still alive|3]].]] (elseif: $death is 1)[Anima stays still in his room. The phone rings, just like it happened in the dream... Is it from work? He hesitates if picking up or not.(click: "He hesitates if picking up or not")[ He picks up at the last second. It's from work, they ask why he isn't there. Anima just hangs up. What is happening? The phone rings again... [[He prefers to stay home|3]].]] (elseif: $death is 2)[Anima decides to get ahead and calls his work. He doesn't have to pretend to be sick. His ''grief'' is still going, and that gives him some slack.(click:"calls his work")[ His boss states that he wants him back on the boat as soon as possible. Anima chuckles, says something stupid and hangs up. He can't think clearly, he's engrossed, restless. He knows what's next, but an overwhelming heaviness leaves him powerless. He tries to [[sleep|3]].]]

(if: $death is 0)[(set: $death to $death +1) Anima looks at the fan in the ceiling. He has no idea how long he's been like that. He stands and goes to the bathroom. The roof drips some water on his cheeks, and he curses the plumber for not fixing the pipes correctly last week. He undresses rapidly, gets in the shower, and lets the water flow and take it all away. He tries to grab the soap with his eyes closed, but it slips from his hands and hits him right on the foot. Anima gets down to pick it up and his body turns, slightly. A twist of the heel. A slight redistribution of the weight that destabilizes the balance. Anima feels the vertigo of an imminent fall, tries to cling to the shower but it just gives under his weight. He closes his eyes, the fall feels everlasting. But he knows he's going [[to die|1]].] (elseif: $death is 1)[(set:$depression to true) Anima walks, although he doesn't know where, he's oblivious of the rest of the world. Consumed entierly by the black hole that's his head. Everything seems unreal, uncertain. He tries to remember who he is and what he did that day. "Nothing", he thinks. "I did absolutely nothing". (click:"I did absolutely nothing") [This time, he realizes he's thinking out loud. People around him move away. Imposters. Pretenders. [[Everything is a great farce|5e]].]] (elseif: $death is 2)[(set: $death to $death +1) Anima wanders through a busy avenue. He stops at the traffic light showing green, cars passing by rapidly. He closes his eyes, feeling the pressure of the air and the sounds of the engines, coming and going, getting closer and then going further. He takes a step, he's still alive. Another step, still alive. One more, and then he hears a honk and feels the friction of tires against asphalt. Anima open his eyes by reflex and sees the braking car crashing into another vehicle, which goes flying due to the collision. It's falling in Anima's direction, who can only [[cover his face on the last second|1]].]

(if: (history:) contains "2c")[Anima arrives early to the bank, besides his boss, he seems to be the first there. He gets in his place a bit tense: after so many "resurrections" he's been through, he feels a cadaverous heaviness. All the weight of a sleepless week clinges to his shoulders; seems like it's tearing him to shreds. His boss looks at him from the office and gets closer. He, understandingly, tells Anima it'd be better if he takes the day off, to go back home and rest. He offers a solemn apology for his friend. (click:"his friend")[His boss seems to forget the name. Anima feels a bit of shame, he and [[Beto|3b]] were really close.]] (elseif:(history:) contains "2b")[(if:(history:) contains "2c")[Anima arrives at the bank. He doesn't bother greeting the guard, or even going to his place. He goes straight to his boss. He greets him with gratitude, but examines Anima steadily. Anima states h'es ready to work. His boss smiles, a bit tenderly but severly at the same time. "I insist you take today off" his boss let's out. "You look terrible". Anima looks at his reflection in one of the office windows. He has bags under his eyes, unkept hair, greasy face. The boss insists again on him taking the day. Afirming he understands what it is like to lose [[someone close|3b]].] (else:)[Anima arrives early to work... the weird Déjà vu sickness comes to him and paralizes him. He feels a goosebump. "Don't think, don't think...". His boss appears in front of him. "Are you feeling ok?"(click:"Are you feeling ok?")[Anima only nods with his head, doesn't even look at him. His boss gives him a stern, but fraternal gaze. He tells him he's in no condition to work, so he gives him the day off. Anima feels sick of himself, he hates arise pity on others. Before leaving, his boss reaffirms how much he's sorry for his friend. (click:"his friend")[[[Beto|3b]] fills his thoughts again...]]]] (else:)[Anima arrives early at the bank, there's no one there except for his boss and some guards. He gets to his place, uneasy. The "dream" stills clouds his head, he can't shake it. Work, which would usually unlink him from his personal thoughts, now feels like a far away activity, absurd even. His boss goes to him, he seems understanding. He tells anima it'd be better to not have him at his place today, and that he's really sorry for his friend. (click: "his friend")[His boss seems to not remember the name. Anima feels a bit of shame, he and [[Beto|3b]] were really close.]]

(if: (history:) contains "2c")[Beto was his friend since kindergarden, they had a very close relationship, they went everywhere together. Despite of this, they were very "different". Although, deep in his heart, Anima thinks of the word "disparate". Anima felt envy of Beto, always braver, smarter... Beto was the better man in every way. Anima stops and pulls his keys out. As he closes his apartment door, decides to not think about Beto any more, but staying inside doesn't help, he knows if he stays pent-up and alone, [[it won't end well|4b]]...] (elseif: (history:) contains "3b")[(if: (history:) contains "2c")[Anima's mind is blank. Empty. He can't think in anything else. At that point, he remembers how he and Beto used to talk about their concerns, and wishes. He feels a morbid guilt eating him from inside. [[Beto didn't deserve to die|4b]].] (else:)[Anima thinks he's seeing Beto in every corner of the street he's walking. Just like when they were young and used to play hide-and-seek. (click:"hide-and-seek") ["Ready or not, here I go", whispered Anima. On one hand, the uncertainty of where Beto had hid. On the other, fear for leaving the base exposed. He hated to lose, and any contest with Beto usually meant defeat. On top of that, Beto was great hidding, and given the change would always scare Anima ... Even today, he has that feeling that Beto is just going to jump out from behind a piece of forniture and scare him. Anima gets to his apartment door.. Before opening the door he thinks about [[keep on with the memories|4b]] or [[sleeping|3]]. ]]] (else:)[ Beto was his friend since kindergarden, they had a very close relationship, they went everywhere together. Despite of this, they were very "different". Although, deep in his heart, Anima thinks of the word "disparate". Anima felt envy of Beto, always braver, smarter... Beto was the better man in every way. He decides to not think about Beto any more, but staying inside doesn't help, he knows if he stays pent-up and alone, it won't end well... For a fraction of a second he hesitates between [[keeping on with the memories|4b]] or [[get busy with something trivial|3]].]

(if:(history:) contains "2c")[Even so, he keeps going. He feels an inner drive, akin to the pervert who keeps on doing his thing not caring about anything else. He wants to keep digging, despite how self-destructive it is. (click:"digging")[Anima was surprised by his friend's death. One day they were playing together at school and the next day he was at a funeral. He imagined his body, lifeless, pale, with his gaze lost. The "accident" was a multiple car crash: first two (link:"people")[drunkards] hit another card head on, both cars reduced to dust. Then a truck and, lastly, a bus, in which Beto travelled, coming back from work. The drivers of the first crash where miraculously alive, not without injuries. The truck driver, despite the initial distraction, could jump out of the vehicle before it turned over. The bus skidded towards the truck, hitting it directly. Of its passengers only six sustained serious injury. Beto died instantly, after a fatal concussion against one of those bars you grab on to. It would seem like fate wanted only Beto to carry the weight of that mini-hell in the middle of the road. What a (link:"sad")[(link:"horrific")[(link:"unfair")[[[bullshit|5b]].]]]]] (else:)[Anima was surprised by his friend's death. One day they were playing together at school and the next day he was at a funeral. He imagined his body, lifeless, pale, with his gaze lost. The "accident" was a multiple car crash: first two (link:"people")[drunkards] hit another card head on, both cars reduced to dust. Then a truck and, lastly, a bus, in which Beto travelled, coming back from work. The drivers of the first crash where miraculously alive, not without injuries. The truck driver, despite the initial distraction, could jump out of the vehicle before it turned over. The bus skidded towards the truck, hitting it directly. Of its passengers only six sustained serious injury. Beto died instantly, after a fatal concussion against one of those bars you grab on to. What a (link:"sad")[(link:"horrific")[(link:"unfair")[[[bullshit|5b]].]]]]

(if: (history:) contains "2c")[Anima arrives at the nursing home. It's old and creeps him out. The mix of a happy place and decrepit people. The dichotomy of an eternal space inhabited by people more death than alive, the remains of ghosts that wait to be forgotten... A sort of repulsion takes him over; a sadness razes his chest and slowly consumes him. However, the residents seem to have fun, they laugh. The black hole in his chest grows and he feels heartburn. Anima is escorted to [[his Father's room|5c]]. He hesitates before going in.] (elseif: (history:) contains "4c")[(if: (history:) contains "2c")[Anima enters the nursing home. He breathes and feels the weird mix of known smells. He recalls the last time he saw his Father: before leaving home, with Sofia. She was pregnant and they were not married yet. His father firmly believed the only way Anima would grow as a person would be if he left home and would face his responsibilities. One look was enough for Anima to understand. However, if his Father felt any sorrow due to his son departure, it was something he never showed or demonstrated in front of Anima. Maybe, he didn't want to show any weakness. Such was always the relationship between them. He arrives to the door of [[his Father's room|5c]].] (else:)[Anima walks hastily through the building. He almost forgets to register himself as a visitor on the entrance... He's trying to avoid the vertigo, the feeling of already going through there... He keeps his eyes to the floor all the way to [[his Father's room|5c]]. Once there, on the door, he feels tears trying to burst in an endless current from the depths of his soul. He swallos, there's still a chance to [[run away|4]].]] (else:)[Anima arrives at the nursing home. It's old and creeps him out. The mix of a happy place and decrepit people. The dichotomy of an eternal space inhabited by people more death than alive, the remains of ghosts that wait to be forgotten... A sort of repulsion takes him over; a sadness razes his chest and slowly consumes him. However, the residents seem to have fun, they laugh. The black hole in his chest grows and he feels heartburn. For a second a thought fills up his mind.(click:"a thought")[[[ He wants to run out of there|4]].] Anima is escorted to [[his Father's room|5c]]. He hesitates.]

Anima dries his tears with some toilet paper. A weak trembling in his hands and shortness of breath, take all determination away from his movements. It is weird, he feels sure. He is fine. Or not. He simple is. Or more to the point, he feels nothing. The tic tac of the small jar in his left hand grows loud in the bathroom. He pressures the lid up with his thumb, freeing the air inside, and letting the lid drop to the floor. He tips the contents over his open hand: pills and tablets. He looks at them with attention, they have exotic, friendly, shapes and colors. The trembling stops, he catches up his breath. He smiles, exhales and laughs, loud and heartily, [[he fears nothing at all|6b]].

(set: $death to $death +1) Anima chugs the pills in a second, he takes off his underwear and lays in the bath, which is full of warm water. He tries to concentrate, but he can only hear his heartbeat resounding in his ears, as someone who does something mischievous and runs; excited, filled with emotion, tense. (click:"excited, filled with emotion, tense")[ Just like that time, with his Father: Anima would leave the bathroom running, right after placing a a firecracker in the toilet. He was waiting for the boom, hiding behind some forniture in the kitchen... But he could only hear his breathing, his heartbeat constant... Hyphnotic... The boom never came. He simple, [[faded|1]].]

The doors open and he enters a room lit in excess, pure white. It extends far, huge. And there he is, sitting, but healthy; restless and happy to see his son. The fear vanishes slowly, the firm hug gives assures him. His Father asks about his grandson, Anima tells how the mother doesn't let them see each other often. His Father berates him for not fighting for the child, Anima just keeps silent; His Father sighs and gives his condolences regarding Beto's death; Anima shuts down, hurt, he barely can thank him. They both stay [[silent and uncomfortable|6c]].

Anima brings up his "dream". His Father seems very surprised and worried: He denies planning on running away, but states that he really has some desires of seeing the world. Anima reprimends him, he's old for that type of adventure. He insists that he has to stay.(click:"has to stay")[ To stop being irresponsible.(click:"irresponsible")[ That it is already late.(click:"is already late")[ Upon finishing that sentence, the silence overtakes the room again. His Father looks at him with sadness, but no regrets, more like a condescending sadness. As if he wasn't the one living his final days. His Father [[grabs him by the shoulder|7c]]]].]

(text-style:"bold")["I'm wasting the last few years of my life"]. The phrase resounds in Anima's head, it follows him around, it repeats itself like broken record. He walks the streets engrossed, he sees [[bar|8c]], he thinks of drinking something... Something... Something like what? He never really was a drinker... He isn't entirely sure. (click:"sure")[But he doesn't want to go home either.]

(set: $death to $death +1) Anima goes into the bar, it's small and dark, pretty old, rustic. (click:"rustic")[Or dirty, one could say.] He sits in the bar, close to the entrance. He asks for the menu, the bartender points at a chalkboard with a list of drinks. He picks the hardest one to pronounce: Caipiroska. His head is empty, or so full of information he can't tell the difference, he doesn't care. Now he's far from everything, completely self-absorbed.(click:"self-absorbed")[ Maybe that's why he didn't care a good half of the bar's wall came down, that's why he didn't even bother on getting out of the way or even reacting when the taxi breaks the immaculate thickness of the place, letting the light from outside in. He barely turns, the car is on top of him. [[Then, there´s nothing|1]].]

(if: $death is 4)[Anima walks across the living-kitchen-dining-room as if he was a zombie. He stops just in the middle of the piece, looks at the fridge and goes towards it. Suddenly an irrational urge overcomes him. A need stronger than hunger, or the need to use the restroom. Something more primal and urgent. Opens the fridge violently and there it is, the jar of [[honey|1.75]].] (else:)[Anima walks across his living-kitchen-dining-room, it's a studio unit lacking all harmony. He passes by a small bar with a stool that faces off a table with three antique chairs. In the opposite wall of the room there's a Telefunken CRT, covered in dust. There's a shelf full of books behind the dumb box, the dust is also getting to it. In a corner, next to the table, a leather sofa that clearly has seen better days, lies emaciated. He gets close to a fridge, which seems to react to this touch and it shakes violently. He pulls a jar of honey and butter, and he prepares his meal in the bar. He grabs a loaf of bread and a butter knife, sits down and spreads some [[honey|1.75]] in the piece of cutlery.]

(if: $death is 4)[Anima sits down in the stool in front of the bar, with the jar of honey in his left hand and a spoon in his right. He opens the jar, slowly, carefully; he takes a spoonful and [[tastes it|end]]. (text-style:"fade-in-out")[He closes his eyes].] (else:)[Anima becomes petrified. He looks at the honey jar: It has no label and is untouched. Cold sweat drips down his face. At that moment, clear as a lighting bolt, as the drops he's been transpiring reach his mouth, certainty comes to him. He leaves the knife inside, as if it was hazardous material, sickening, as if it had a contagious disease. And it's because Anima doesn't really know if it is, he knows nothing about the provenance of that "honey", it could as well be ''poison''. He's convinced, if he eats it, he could (text-style: "shudder")[die]. Anima throws the honey away, and puts the butter and bread back. [[Today he's staying home|2]].]

(if: (history:) contains "2c")[Anima walks hastily, and sweats more than he should. With a dry mouth, he whispers potential complaints that Sofia may throw at him, and how to respond to them. "Everything is fine, everything is fine..." He tilts forward, keeping a hunched posture; he suddenly feels in his body all the discomfort that it is to see Sofia. He stops. He knows he should go back, he shouldn't have arrived that early; he rings the bell fearfully. (Click:"rings the bell") [ A male voice asks who is it, immediately. Anima is about to turn around and leave, but [[the door opens|6d]].]] (elseif: (history:) contains "5d")[(if: (history:) contains "2c")[Anima walks with a hasty step. He doesn't care how he looks or how much he sweats. He's going to do whatever it takes to see his son. He remembers him younger, when they played together because Sofia was working... It like seems a lifetime ago. How he regrets feeling shame for being an unemployeed father, of not taken fully seize the time with his offspring. He arrives and rings the bell. (Click:"ring the bell")[ Apolo [[opens the door|6d]].]] (else:)[Anima walks hastily, and sweats more than he should. "It is not going to be like last time" he thinks. "This time I'm not running away". He titls forward, keeping a hunched posture; he suddenly feels in his body all the discomfort that it is to see Sofia. All of his courage vanishes when he's in front of the door. He rings the bell shaking and [[Apolo answers|6d]]. Last chance to [[run away|5]].]] (else:)[Anima walks hastily, and sweats more than he should. With a dry mouth, he whispers potential complaints that Sofia may throw at him, and how to respond to them. "Everything is fine, everything is fine..." He tilts forward, keeping a hunched posture; he suddenly feels in his body all the discomfort that it is to see Sofia. He stops. He knows he should go back, he shouldn't have arrived that early; he rings the bell fearfully. (Click:"rings the bell") [A male voice asks who is it, immediately. Anima hesitates between [[answering|6d]] or [[run away|5]].]]

(if: $depression is true)[(set: $death to $death +1) Everyone is afraid, but they don't want to show it. In his zigzagging walk, Anima arrives to an familiar place. Its distorted sight welcomes him, sad, tired. It's a huge river in which Beto and him used to play when they were younglings. He was always afraid the water, unlike his friend... How he envied him. As he curses Beto, Anima thinks he sees him, waving him from far away, inviting him into the river. And he follows him. And follows, and follows. But Anima can't reach him... The water fills his lungs and he [[sinks slowly|1]].] (else:)[Anima wakes up, is nightime... He sits on the corner of the bed. Grabs his cellphone with distrust, but with an overwhelming and morbid curiosity; twenty missed calls, and at least one voicemail. He also sees a few text messages from Sofia. He can read "I expected differently..." among them [[Enough|6e]].]

(set: $death to $death +1) Anima feels a hole in his stomach, he breathes and it hurts, he struggles to keep steady breathing. What is this feeling? Something he ate, he thinks. He lays down, inhales, exhales, inhales... He feels as if suddenly he didn't know how to breathe. Cold sweats, he cants to get off his clothes, but his hands and feet are frozen in place, he shivers. He wants to cry, but he can't. He can't think of anything else. He doesn't know what to do, but if he can't get some air he is goint to (text-style:"shudder")[''die'']. He coughs, it doesn't work; he coughs again, he almost drowns with his own saliva as he inhales for a third cough. Anima goes towards the window, he opens it looking for something that would bring his soul back. He thinks he sees something, he reaches out but it vanishes in his hands. The hole in his stomach abruptly grows, forcing him to curl into a ball, to close himself upon himself; a burst of wind forces him to close his eyes. [[Anima falls into the abyss|1]]

(css: "font-size: 200%;")[''The Sweetest Honey''] (text-style: "italic")[Written by Mauro Couto. Translated by Ricardo Sisnett For Rayuela de Arena 2019.] (text-style:"fade-in-out")[[[START|1]]] (set: $death to 0) (set: $depression to false) [[Credits]]

Is Apolo. He's almost an adult now, he's got a height close to his Father's, and fuzzy hair, but of a lighter color. With a bit of irony, he scolds his Father for arriving too early. Anima doesn't reply. Apolo sighs and they share an awkward hug. Anima gives him an envelope with Apolo's name, and tells him he doesn't like gifting useless stuff, so he preferred to give him some cash. Apolo thanks him, a bit confused. The voice of Sofia surprises Anima. He [[swallows some saliva|7d]].

Sofia sees him, surprised, and complains about him beeing too early. Déjà vu. She raises her voice and tells him that as long as it's her home, he has to let her know if she's going to drop by. Anima answers grinding his teeth that he only wanted to see his son. She goes on, she thinks he's probably drunk. Anima could never decipher how could Sofia make him so angry. She always knew each one of his weak points, and how to exploit them. She would make him furious since the beginning of the relationship, but Anima never knew how to establish any limits. Or he wouldn't dare to. They're in a screaming match now, and Apolo gets in the middle, it's his birthday and he insists they have to stop fighting. "And you even use our son to protect yourself?" Sofia berates him. Anima has a sudden explosion of rage, but Sofia's partner shows up: A tall guy, muscular complexion, an idiot's face and long hair, tied up. He forces Anima to step back, he even raises his fists as a warning. [[Anima knows when it is useless to fight back|8d]].

(set: $death to $death +1) Anima walks fast, he feels his body trembling. He hates that feeling particularly: being unable to control himself. He feels an unstoppable energy, a ferocious hunger to destroy everything. (text-style:"bold")[Everything]. He's fuming, almost breathing fire. He get's to the corner and kicks a trash can, he feels both and unmatchable pleasure and a terrible shame. He hates not being able to control himself, to control anything. He feels useless, entirely useless. The rage comes back, he's spiraling. He grabs the trash can and shakes it forcefully, enough to tip it over onto the street. He jumps off the walkway and kicks it again without repulsion; he kicks garbage bags, he kicks anything that gets in the way. Cars drive by, and barely miss him, the drivers hurl insults at him, but that just fuels Anima's joy. He feels as if in paradise, it's almost an endless masturbatory ecstasy, the most frantic and brutal orgasmic climax ever. Is such a state, that Anima has no time to react in front of a distracted driver. A conicidental synchrony; the driver, self-absorbed fighting with his inner self, gets distracted while turning on that corner faster than he should. The hit is direct. Anima [[drops liveless|1]] several meters in front of the car, in the scorching asphalt.

Anima knows exactly which tasks will be needing him during the day. (click: "tasks")[ (if: (history:) contains "6b" and "8c")[He decides to skip work. He calls his boss, who barely has any time to react. Anima states that if he has to be fired, so be it, and hangs abruptly. Satisfied with his decision, empowered, he calls the nursing home where his Father lives. He asks one of the nurses to keep an eye on him, as his Father recently confessed he was trying to escape. The nurse, confused, asures him there's nothing to worry about, that's precisely his job; but Anima isn't satisfied, he insists, so much the nurse has to swear on his life Anima's Father wont escape. Anima gets ready for a shower. It doesn't matter if Sofia gets in the way, he is going to [[his son's birthday|5d]].] (elseif:(history:) contains "6b" and "8d")[He decides to skip work. He calls his boss, who barely has any time to react. Anima states that if he has to be fired, so be it, and hangs abruptly. He feels discombobulated by the energy of taking that decision, he can't stop now. He calls Sofia and, before she even answers, Anima starts complaining about spending his son's birthday on their own and that he has no intention to go and be humiliated at his partners house. Sofie doesn't understand the complaints, and confused yells at him that if he doesn't want to spend his son's birthday with the rest of the family, that's his choice. Not all victories. Anima goes [[to visit his Father|4c]].] (elseif:(history:) contains "8c" and "8d")[Anima feels like he's bursting with energy, he can't stop now, the train has left the station. He calls Sofia, and before she even answers, Anima starts complaining about spending his son's birthday on their own and that he has no intention to go and be humiliated at his partners house. Sofie doesn't understand the complaints, and confused yells at him that if he doesn't want to spend his son's birthday with the rest of the family, that's his choice. Not all victories. (click:"victories")[But he still thinks it was the right choice. He calls the nursing home. He asks one of the nurses to keep an eye on him, as his Father recently confessed he was trying to escape. The nurse, confused, asures him there's nothing to worry about, that's precisely his job; but Anima isn't satisfied, he insists, so much the nurse has to swear on his life Anima's Father wont escape. Anima is now at ease, but exhausted... He can't take another argument, so he decides to [[got to work|2b]].]] (elseif:(history:) contains "8d")[Anima feels like he's bursting with energy, he can't stop now, the train has left the station. He calls Sofia, and before she even answers, Anima starts complaining about spending his son's birthday on their own and that he has no intention to go and be humiliated at his partners house. Sofie doesn't understand the complaints, and confused yells at him that if he doesn't want to spend his son's birthday with the rest of the family, that's his choice. Not all victories. (click:"victories")[All in all, the energy is still there. His body is ready for anything, even at his 40-something. He could [[go to work|2b]], or maybe [[visit his Father|4c]]. Whatever he wants. He could even do both, if time allows.]] (elseif:(history:) contains "8c")[He knows that if he goes to his Father, he's going to notice Anima self-absorbed, distant, as usual. So he prefers to save himself the awkward moment. Being there isn't going to change the fact that his Father is thinking of escaping the nursing home, it's better if the staff takes care of that... He calls the home and asks one of the nurses to keep an close eye on his Father. The nurse asures him there's nothing to worry about; but Anima isn't satisfied, he insists, so much the nurse has to swear on his life Anima's Father wont escape... Anima is mentally exhausted, but he still have some energy for the rest of the "day". He could go [[to work|2b]], or on the other hand, go to [[his son's birthday|5d]]] (elseif: (history:) contains "6b")[He decides to skip work. He calls his boss, who barely has any time to react. Anima states that if he has to be fired, so be it, and hangs abruptly. Anima knows the consequences of such an act, but it would be as easy as 'reviving' to fix them. Anima feels satisfied, and not a bit less energetic. He's free to go wherever he wants, like [[visiting his Father|4c]] or confront Sofia in [[his son's birthday|5d]].] (else:)[Anima suddenly notices. Between so much "resurrection" he's not gone out of the apartment. He feels a slight sadness, like nostalgia... Melancholy of all he's missed experiencing outside the walls of his apartment. Even something as vane as [[going to work|2b]], or as important and uncomfortable as [[visiting his Father|4c]] or, even, [[go to his son's birthday|5d]]... He needs to get out. (text-style:"shudder")[Now.]]]

Anima feels a suddent warmth go through his body. He shudders, true happiness; the unique flavor, thick, spreads through his mouth. The cloying sweetness, the tickles in his throat as he swallows. His joy is such that he cries as he continues gulping spoonfuls: It is the sweetest honey he has ever tasted. (link:"THE END")[(gotoURL:"index.html")]

//The Sweetest Honey// was written in <a href="http://twinery.org/"; target="_blank">Twine</a>, an open-source tool for writting <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypertext_fiction"; target="_blank">Hypertext fiction</a>. Thanks a lot to <a href="https://itch.io/profile/rubereaglenest"; target="_blank">Ruber Eaglenest</a> and the people of <a href="https://twitter.com/textualizame"; target="_blank">Textualiza</a> for all the good vibes, the motivation and the support; to <a href="https://twitter.com/sysnet_ai"; target="_blank">Ricardo Sisnett</a> for the incredible traduction. Thank you both for all the reading and rereading effort. Thanks to the people of <a href="https://itch.io/jam/rayuela-de-arena-2019-jam"; target="_blank">Rayuela de Arena</a> and everyone who gave so much feedback: <a href="https://itch.io/profile/arscruciandi"; target="_blank">Pablo Daniel Fernández</a>, <a href="https://itch.io/profile/gabofescritor"; target="_blank">Gabriel Fachinetti</a>, <a href="https://itch.io/profile/byfernanz"; target="_blank">Billy Fernández</a>, <a href="https://itch.io/profile/meripalas"; target="_blank">Meri Palas</a> y <a href="https://itch.io/profile/creativwhisper"; target="_blank">Edu Sánchez</a>. =><= Thank you all. (css: "font-size: 150%;")[(text-style:"fade-in-out")[[[Main Menu|0]]]]